I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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