This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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