we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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