There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would fuck him just for his dog
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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