Do vagina's smell?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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