Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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