thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize