So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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