Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
