I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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