guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
