Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.

Fav 22 3581 882
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

Fav 19 5600 944
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(586): View more from Michigan

yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

Fav 14 7816 1298
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(914): View more from New York

is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?

Fav 44 1770 5942
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(785): View more from Kansas

My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?

Fav 9 1304 4234
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(614): View more from Ohio

I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner

Fav 15 3979 1738
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(607): View more from New York

The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?

Fav 11 1439 3877
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her

Fav 6 802 528
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(404): View more from Georgia

My vagina! What have you done to it?

(1-404): View more from Georgia

Blessed it my child.

Fav 0 93 15
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