Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
