Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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