The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize