I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
