he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
50% drunk capacity currently
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
