Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
