Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
