she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
