okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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