I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize