I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
