I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
