omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
