I met the friendliest cop last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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