even my farts smell like vagina
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
