so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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