Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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