I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
