a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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