I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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