this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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