All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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