meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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