Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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