I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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