some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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