eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
