Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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