Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
