He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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