how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
