I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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