I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize