After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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