i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
