I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
