i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
