the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Still dying that you shit outside
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
