What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
