What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
