Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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