what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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