toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
