I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
