I got chris browned last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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