he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my liver is dry heaving
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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