3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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