I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
