as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
