We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
