After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize