I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
