Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
