I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He felt like a one man threesome
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
