i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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