Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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