you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
