Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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