All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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