Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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