He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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