The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
