Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
