i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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