Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Houston, we have a blender
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
