Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
