dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
