It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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