Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
