can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
