Plan B is the new Plan A
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
