Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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