i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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