morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
