opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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