He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
