dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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